✤ Thoughts…

With fierceness, the scorching heat of the darkness
Twined itself around this heart
And interweaves itself into an unwavering tomorrow
Dir en Grey – Hageshisa to, kono mune no naka de karamitsuita shakunetsu no yami

I sit against this concrete, stare plastered like a Pollock painting on the opposite wall, replaying foggy scenes that have long gave their last breath. I seemingly see, like a seething seer, seeking to seep into the seeds of truth, every detail through the clouds of time.

On the merry-go-round that keeps on going
Round and round and round
You keep on withering
In my sweaty hand I clasp your photograph
And an ice pick.
Dir en Grey – RED…[em]

I experience time like a horny, rabid dog locked away in a car that’s headed for a cliff, clawing at the windows. Life’s breath is thick, clogged, like vomit, as it pours lovingly out the doors of my temple – the doors I’ve forced open.

Walking with my karma,
I scream with this body of flesh that separates Heaven and Hell
Dir en Grey – Vinushka

And with one glorious, guttural howl, the curtain closes, the wall no longer forced to carry my heavy stare along its cracks. It weeps, for if anything, at least there was something to fill them.

Stuck between all-too-common, cliched phrases
Broken, over and over again – what is this place?
Dir en Grey – Ware, yami tote…

I open the blinds, and notice no walls. There’s no memories, dancing over my head in their gruesome ritual of remembrance, and there’s no fog. Instead, it’s only her, standing taunting, a hurricane of thoughts shooting out of her eyes, as she drives me into a corner. “Welcome.” she speaks, with the voice of a faithless angel. “This was the road to Heaven. But now, it’s just the road to me.” she calls, the smirk she summons peppering across my wounds like salt in cuts.

Slip your desires into the ant’s nest
Come now, all you have to do is be reborn again
Dir en Grey – Vinushka

Her song washes over and through me. There’s something in her voice I can’t quite put my finger on, like she’s the Officer and the murderer, but her Justice isn’t balance, it’s rotten, five weeks old pig’s blood dipped in kerosene and forced down my throat. And yet, I can’t help but keep my mouth open.

The end has already come to life
It will take form at zero and will crawl back into the uterus and rot
Every time this happens, your faces crumble
Dir en Grey – Vinushka

But I don’t keep my mouth open for her, even as she seduces my body with threats. No. Even as I’m chugging her Justice, I yearn for redemption, like a Death Row prisoner yearns for the freedom to die.

I’d rather have a somewhat faded voice
Than a guilty conscience
Dir en Grey – Glass Skin

Those are my thoughts, and they’re pushing back, little boys and girls hoping to deflect the tsunami that is her hands slithering down my throat. But all there is, is drowning. This was once the road to Heaven. Now, it’s just the road to her.

✠ Thank you to my wife, Ryanna, for the support! Check her Flickr by clicking on her name! 

CREDITS:  
✘ Outfit ◆ Fatal Fashion ◆ Demon Hell @ 101L Event
✘ Chest Tattoo ◆ Level Ink Tattoo ◆ Gia @ 101L Event
✘ Arm Tattoo ◆ Petrify ◆ Scratchy Ink
✘ Hair ◆ .Shi ◆ Bedlam Hair Red
✘ Face Scars & Eyeshadow ◆ QUADRATUS DEMISE ◆ Quadrametics Lucretia Schmink @ 101L Event
✘ Pose ◆ RUSSKAYA ◆ HALLUCINATE Pose Pack @ 101L Event