┋John: Magic’s just when you trick the universe into believing some incredibly outrageous lie. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about — I’ve told a few corkers in my time. Like any habitual liar, though, I spend far too much time these days trying to cover my grubby little tracks. All that bluster and bravado and bullshit — you get a right nasty headache just thinking about it.
Deceit piled upon deceit. Magic upon magic.Oh what a tangled web we weave, eh? ‘Course, when you tell just one tall tale too many, you can run into problems.
It’s like stumbling in from the pub one night to find the universe standing there with its arms crossed, tapping its foot, waiting for you to explain. Suddenly, you’re scrambling, contradicting some inane bit of bollocks you came out with years ago — something you’ve completely forgotten about. Desperately, you try to remember who did what to whom, and when. You’re reaching wildly for the first thing that comes to mind. Now, the universe — who’s twigged to the fact that you’re just taking the piss — removes it’s jacket very deliberately. It steps forward , throws you an uppercut… And you’re flat on your arse before you have a chance to protest.So you try to distract it, to change the subject somehow. “You’ll never guess what I can do,” you say “watch this.” And you proceed to put all the useless bits of yourself into someone else, and have that person carted off to hell in your place. The universe just looks at you suspiciously for a moment, and then says “Ooh, that was a good one!”
But just when you think you’re home free — as you wipe the blood from your lip with relief — the bastard suddenly remembers that you’ve pulled this sort of thing before. And it points out, in no uncertain terms, all the flaws in your dodgy scheme. And that’s when the real trouble starts.┋
Hellblazer, Issue 100, Sins of the Father by Paul Jenkins
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